


Redemption

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Monster Cas, More tags as needed later, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:39:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7892605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean come across a potential case.  They're weirded out from the start: the monster hasn't actually hurt anyone, just scared people.  When they meet the monster, they discover he's not really a bad guy.  Just extremely scary-looking and alone in the world.  The Winchesters know all about that second one, even if they don't quite understand the first.  They befriend Castiel, quickly coming to trust the guy more than they ever thought possible.  When disaster strikes, Castiel's true nature is revealed and it's the last thing anyone would have ever guessed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CoralQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoralQueen/gifts).



> Prompt from @longkissgoodnightbatmanandtwofac found through http://dailyspnprompts.tumblr.com/post/146738363557/t-destiel-multichap
> 
> Warning: prompt has spoilers for future chapters.
> 
> *I wrote it as Sastiel instead of Destiel, hope the prompter will forgive me. <3

He was scared. He wasn’t sure what’s going on. He didn’t remember anything, and he was lying in the middle of the woods. He knew that couldn’t be right. He must have somewhere else to be, but he didn’t know where.

Footsteps approached, and he lifted his head to look for the person making them. There were two of them. One, a small woman, screams when she sees him. The other, a man, quickly pulled her away. He reached out a hand, but they just ran faster.

He understood. His hand was horrifying. His fingers were gnarled, broken in several places that healed wrong, and he had claws. He got to his feet, which he noticed were just as bad, and straightened up. He wasn’t in a lot of pain, which he considered a small miracle. Walking was difficult, though, and he began to lurch forward.


	2. The Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean investigate the rumors of a monster haunting the woods near a town. When they meet the monster, they find themselves in a pickle.

Sam dropped his duffle on the bed of the latest motel. A small part of him was horrified at the terrible décor, a slightly larger part was horrified that the vast majority of his brain devoted to the room was saying you know, as motels go, cow pattern isn’t all that bad. “Remind me again why we’re here, Dean?”

Dean rolled his eyes and went straight back to looking at his phone. “There’s some kind of monster in the woods. I know, it kinda got lost in the whole saving your ass from Azazel and saving mine from Lilith thing, but hunting monsters is what we do. Hey, there’s a diner that’s supposed to have the best pie in four counties. I think I found dinner.”

Sam laughed. Sounded like. Dean was not going to pass up that pie. “Yeah. But Dean, where are the dead bodies? Or the survivors of attacks? We don’t just hunt things. We save people. And so far, all we’ve heard around here is that people are scared. We haven’t heard of anyone actually being attacked, let alone hurt or killed.”

Dean shrugged. “What happens when the local high school kids get bored and start making stupid dares? Someone gets too close?”

“Then this thing, whatever it is, is acting in self-defense if the kids won’t leave it alone. I think the fact that so far it’s stuck to growling and looking scary is a pretty big point in its favor.” Sam shook his head. “Look, Dean. We find it, make sure it’s not just biding its time, do what we need to do. I’m just saying, this guy might need protection more than the people around here do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come off it. You know what I mean. We hunt monsters. And if this thing’s a monster, then we gank it. But if it’s just a thing that looks scary… doesn’t want to cause any trouble… then it’s in more danger from those idiot teens making dares than they are from it. It’s not a monster.”

“Okay, well, dinner first, then we go try to find the thing, get some more information. Then we figure out what to do about it.” Dean held up his hands. “If it’s not a monster, not something that’ll become one, then I’m not going to shoot it. Okay?”

“Good.”

 

The pie was okay, but in Sam’s opinion, it hadn’t lived up to the hype. More importantly, though, Dean was making it known that the pie didn’t live up to the hype. “I’m just sayin’. If that’s the best pie in four counties? I don’t care if Lucifer himself shows up, we are never coming back to this general area.”

“What, angels you can’t believe in, but Satan you do?” Sam smothered the laugh. Honestly, that was fairly typical of Dean.

Dean’s face was his very best ‘duh’ look. “Something’s gotta explain why people do crazy shit to each other when there’s real evil in the world to worry about.” He stopped short and pointed to a tree. There were scratches in it that didn’t look normal, at least, not unless the area had suddenly grown bears.

Sam came over to investigate. Certainly looked scary, but damage to a tree wasn’t exactly monster territory. He pointedly didn’t go for his gun as he pointed out some tracks – three sets. Two looked like normal humans, one looked more monstrous. Clawmarks.

They followed the tracks backwards to find a small hut. Dean drew his gun, and Sam reluctantly followed suit. The door was unlocked, and Sam followed Dean, looking for danger.

The hut was mostly empty. That wasn’t much of a surprise. From the outside, it had looked abandoned. Perfect place to hole up if you’re a monster. No furniture, some piles of blankets, a kitchen that would probably work if someone would turn the electricity on. There’d been some food in the pantry that had been removed recently, Sam could tell by the way the dust was disturbed. There was still a little left, but not much. That worried Sam – if the thing they were after was eating the food, it might become more of a threat when the food ran out. Something to consider.

Dean whistled, and Sam came over to look. Trap door. The dust was highly disturbed around it, so it had been used recently. Dean opened the door and Sam pointed his flashlight down. Couldn’t see much. Sam held the door open for Dean to go down first, lighting the way with his flashlight. Once Dean was down, Sam followed.

Huddled in the corner was some kind of strange… thing. Sam had been expecting something furry, like a werewolf or sasquatch. It had claws, and was scarred up, but other than that, it looked like a man. It… he… was wearing ragged clothes that looked to have once been a suit, but the trench coat was still intact.

He got to his feet, snarling and displaying the claws on his hand. Dean raised his gun. “Stand down or I shoot!”

“Wait! Dean.” Sam held his hands up. “We’re not here to hurt you.”

“Your friend’s pointing a gun at me.” The guy’s voice was low and rough, almost a growl.

Sam rolled his eyes and shot Dean a bitchface. “Yeah, but he’s not going to shoot. Are you, Dean?”

“You attack, I shoot. You don’t attack, I don’t shoot. It’s simple.” Dean lowered the gun, but kept it ready.

“Then you won’t need the gun. I’ve never attacked anyone.” The guy lowered his claws. “I know I’ve scared people, but I’ve never hurt anyone. If they’d leave me alone, I wouldn’t even scare them.”

Sam let his hands drop to stand normally. “What are you doing here?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I needed somewhere to go, this place provided shelter and food – although I’m going to have to move on soon. I would try to go into town, but when people tend to run screaming at the sight of you… makes it hard to be around people. Why aren’t the two of you running? Because you brought guns and know you can stop me?”

“We don’t scare easily.” Dean moved a few steps closer. “You got a name?”

“Um… Castiel.” Castiel backed away, but there wasn’t much room between him and the wall to begin with. “I will fight to defend myself, guns or no.”

“Chill. I’m not gonna hurt you unless you start it. Just wanted a better look at you. I can see why most people run, but honestly?” Dean smirked. “You aren’t the scariest looking dude I’ve seen this week.”

“I’m Sam, this is Dean. Where’d you come from?”

Castiel shook his head and leaned back against the wall. “I don’t know. I don’t remember much. My name, that I’ve done something bad that I need to redeem myself for, and the events since I woke up in the woods and scared the first people I remember seeing.”

Sam and Dean exchanged a wary glance. “Any idea what you did?”

“No. Just that it was bad, and that I need to redeem myself. I don’t have any idea how I’m supposed to redeem myself, especially when people can’t even look at me.” Castiel slid back to sitting on the floor.

Dean jerked his head at the ladder to the trap door, and Sam followed him back up. As soon as the door was closed, Dean started talking. “We don’t know what he did.”

“No, we don’t. But he seems sorry.”

“For now.” Dean started pacing. “What happens when he gets his memory back, though?”

“I don’t know.” Sam shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the trap door. “What do you want to do here? If we just leave him, he’ll eventually have to leave when he runs out of food. But killing him just feels wrong.”

“Yeah, I know. When he does leave, he’s gonna run into trouble. You know that. Might get shot from someone trying to be a hero.”

Sam’s eyes went wide. He thought he’d have to argue Dean out of shooting Castiel. “And that’s not okay with you?”

“We save people. We gotta figure out some way to save Cas. At least until we find out what he did.”

Sam let out a long breath of relief. “Take him to Bobby? Bobby may have some ideas on how to get his memories back, at the very least he’ll help us keep the guy fed and out of harm’s way.”

Dean nodded and pulled the trap door open. Sam followed as closely as he could. Castiel had gotten back to his feet when the door opened, but relaxed when he recognized the two – and that Dean had put his gun away.

“You’re gonna have to move on soon, right?” Dean asked. Castiel nodded. “We’ve got a place you can go at least for a couple days, until we come up with something better. Friend of ours, might be able to help you.”

“Why would he? Why would anyone want to help me?” Castiel gestured at his hands and feet. “I’m a freak.”

“So am I. Mine’s just not visible.” Sam came close, reaching out to take Castiel’s hand. “A demon fed me his blood and I can do things because of it.”

“Wait, what?” Dean stared at Sam. “What are you talking about?”

Sam cursed under his breath. He’d forgotten Dean didn’t know about that. “Azazel. That’s how he made his special children. Gave us his blood. So, yeah. Freak over here.” He turned back to Castiel, who was staring at where Sam had his hand. “Come on. At the very least, you get out of here.”


	3. Bobby's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby remains the best surrogate father the boys could ask for and takes Cas in, no questions asked. Sam and Cas bond over a movie and some research.

Bobby took one look at Castiel and huffed. “You boys weren’t kidding. Come on in, Cas. Gonna assume you’re hungry.”

“Um, yes. Thank you.” Castiel glanced over to Sam and Dean. Sam nodded encouragingly, so Cas followed Bobby into the dilapidated house. It was better than the hut, but not by much. Inside was considerably better, at least. It was as cluttered as the hut had been empty, but in a way that seemed comfortable. Castiel’s eyes went to the piles of books. If Bobby would let him stay, at least there would be something for him to do besides pace around an empty room.

Dean and Bobby disappeared into the kitchen to start finding food. Sam stayed with Castiel. “Want me to go shopping, get you some clothes that aren’t all beat up?”

“Not yet. Not until Bobby’s figured out what to do with me. No point in getting new things if they’re just going to get torn up like these.” Castiel plucked a couple of loose threads from the end of a sleeve. “But thank you.”

Bobby kept a careful eye on Castiel during dinner, making sure he wasn’t eating too much. Dean simmered, and the third time Bobby told Cas to slow down and chew his food, he exploded. “He’s barely eaten the last few weeks, Bobby! Why are you trying to starve him?”

“Look at ‘im.” Bobby pointed towards Cas with his fork. “Damn straight he’s barely eaten. You know what happens when you feed a starving man too much right away? Most of it comes right back up, and then you’ve got dehydration problems on top of the malnutrition. Cas, once you’ve recovered, you can eat as much as you damn well please, but these boys brought you here for me to look after, I’m damn well gonna look after you.”

“You’ll let me stay here? I’ll keep out of sight, remain quiet. I won’t cause problems for you.”

Bobby snorted. “We’re far enough out of town, people don’t come here much. I’m the town drunken weirdo. Can always use a research assistant, and you don’t have to go outside for that. Hell, your voice seems normal enough, you can help me answer the phones with a little training.”

“Thank you.”

“Any ideas on his memory loss, Bobby?” Sam took a bite of potatoes.

“Not yet. No idea on what he is, either. Human with bad deformities, some sort of beast man thing… never seen anything like you, Cas. Don’t suppose you have any ideas?”

“I wish I did, but I don’t. I’m sorry.”

 

When Sam got home from shopping the next day, he found Cas staring intently at Bobby’s ancient TV. Beauty and the Beast. “You really that bored?”

Cas glanced up briefly but returned his attention to the TV. “I can relate to the Beast. Except that the Beast knows what he did wrong and how to earn his redemption. He should have a name, though. He’s more than just a Beast. The townsfolk are wrong about him. Aside from holding her hostage, he’s been very good to Belle.”

Sam chuckled. “You know, that’s a pretty big aside. But yeah. If he really were just a beast, he wouldn’t be so nice.” He sat down to watch with Castiel.

When the movie was nearly over, Sam looked over to see Castiel had tears in his eyes. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Cas wiped the tears away. “Do you think, when I’ve found my redemption, I’ll become something beautiful?”

Sam shrugged. “It probably depends what you were before. The Beast used to be a handsome prince, so when the curse broke, he became one again. If what you were was beautiful, then you’ll probably be beautiful again. But does it really matter if you’re beautiful? There are things that are a lot more important.”

“That’s easy to say when you are beautiful. But I suppose you’re right.” Castiel got up and went to get a book. Sam recognized it as a book about memory magic that he’d had to go through a few dozen times as a kid. He didn’t think anything in there would be useful, but it was certainly worth a try.

Sam got up and started looking for another book, one he remembered that had a lot of medieval and renaissance grotesques. Most of them were bullshit, but there were one or two he’d actually seen how a monster could be mistaken for. Once he found it, he took it back to the chair he’d been using to read.

After about an hour of reading in silence, Castiel set his book aside. “Sam?”

“Yeah?” Sam kept reading – he was almost at the end of a section.

“Was Dean one of Azazel’s special children as well?”

The section could wait. It wasn’t even particularly helpful. Sam set his book on the floor. “No. Why do you ask?”

“There’s a darkness about you. The demon blood. It doesn’t define you, but it’s there.” Sam nodded. He wasn’t exactly happy about the reminder, but he certainly couldn’t deny that there was a darkness within him. “Dean has a very similar darkness to him. Not quite the same, more… external, I suppose. But similar enough that I was curious if he was like you.”

“No… his is probably…” Sam tried to think how to explain this. “I died a few months back.”

“Condolences.” Castiel tilted his head. “You look remarkably healthy for a dead man.”

Sam ducked his head, laughing. “No, see, Dean brought me back to life. By selling his soul to Hell. That’s probably why you’re seeing darkness in him. I’m trying to find a way to get him out of it, but he’s not exactly being helpful.”

“Why would he do such a thing?”

“I don’t get it either. I mean, when he was dying, I did some pretty extreme stuff to save him. I’m willing to do a lot of stuff to save him from this deal. I get that part, the inability to let go. But what’s dead should stay dead, and Dean knows exactly what I’d be going through knowing that he made a deal for me, because Dad did the same thing to him.”

“Then I should thank you for taking the time to help me. Your brother needs you, and helping me is time you’re not spending try to help him. Bobby, too.”

“Well, you never know. Maybe there’s a reason we met you. Maybe your redemption is helping us find a way to help Dean.”

“Perhaps it is. I certainly owe the two of you a debt, for helping me, and helping Dean seems a good way to repay it. I’ll keep looking into my own problems as well, of course, but Dean has a time limit. How long?”

“He got one year. At the beginning of May.” Sam turned away to hide the tears. “We have until May 2 to find something.”


	4. Shifting Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam come home from working a case out in Florida. Dean's badly injured and Sam, despite no physical injuries, is in even worse shape.

At first, Castiel worked on finding a way to save Dean from Hell because it might help him redeem himself. That changed the day he looked up from his research to see Sam hauling Dean through the door. Dean was barely conscious, covered in bruises, and there was a very strangely haunted look in Sam’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. He jumped to his feet and helped Sam carry the weight. “What happened?”

“It’s… we’d stopped off in Sioux City for gas, and this idiot driver came barreling in way too fast. There was a kid, about seven years old… Dean shoved her out of the way. Couldn’t get out of the way himself.” Sam stopped and swallowed hard. “He wouldn’t let me take him to a hospital, said he’d be fine if I just got him here and let him get some rest. Can you help me get upstairs?”

“I c’n walk, Sammy,” Dean muttered. “’Snot far.”

“Dean, we talked about this. You’re just gonna have to suck it up and deal for a few days. I mean, it’s still only Friday.”

“Really not looking forward to Tuesday,” Dean grumbled, but he let himself relax a little more, let Cas and Sam take more of his weight.

Once Dean was settled, Cas went back downstairs, Sam behind him. “What happened? Are you all right?”

“No. Not even a little.” Sam got a bottle of whiskey from Bobby’s stash and a glass. “We found this case, and I… you ever heard of a Trickster?”

“I read about them and Bobby’s told me a bit more. It seems like a promising lead in my case, but I haven’t really had a chance to investigate properly. You encountered one?”

“Yeah. An old friend we thought we’d ganked, actually.” Sam drank down his glass of whiskey. “He stuck me in this time loop. I’d wake up on Tuesday morning, live out the day until Dean died in some ridiculous and completely unpredictable way, and then I’d wake up Tuesday morning again.”

“You watched your brother die over and over… and then watched him get hit by a car to save a child. No wonder you look so haunted.”

“Yeah. A hundred and thirteen deaths on Tuesday… followed by one on Wednesday that took me six months to fix. I don’t like who I became to get Dean back, and it’s gonna be worse when he’s actually in Hell. At least I had an idea how to fix it, this time. We’ve gotta save him, Cas. I can’t do that again.”

Castiel reached out, putting a gnarled hand on Sam’s shoulder. He didn't reach out to touch anyone often, and was always surprised at the Winchesters not flinching away from him. Sam usually even leaned into it, actively welcoming Cas's touch. “We’ll save him, Sam. I don’t know how, but we will.”

“Thanks.” Sam laid his head back. “I don’t know if I should tell you this or not. The Trickster knew you and thought it was hilarious that you’d fallen in with me and Dean, for some reason. He said that if I ever found out what you did, I might not like you so much anymore.”

“We knew that. Every night, in my dreams, I find out what I did and you and Dean and Bobby turn away from me. Usually, I deserve it. I’m not so sure I deserved it for breaking into a zoo and painting purple polka dots on the penguins, though.”

“No, probably not.” Sam picked his head up with a smile on his face. “I hope, whatever it is you did, that I can forgive you for it. Given what you’ve been through because of it. And I hope you redeem yourself and can go back to who you were before, I do. But I’m a terrible enough person that part of me is kind of hoping you don’t go back. Or at least, that you don’t leave entirely. I’m going to miss you way too much when you go.”

What Castiel wanted to say was that there was no way he was leaving Sam, not unless Sam made him go. He couldn’t say that, though. Couldn’t make that promise. “I don’t think that makes you a terrible person. A terrible person would want to trap me here, force me to stay as I am so that I would have no choice but to stay. If I can, I very much want to remain your friend, yours and Dean’s and Bobby’s. I was very lucky the day you and your brother found me.”


	5. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel ponders sacrifice, and how to choose which Winchester got to live. Since it seemed only one of the two could.

As Sam had said, Dean proved to be little help in the investigation into saving him from Hell. After a month, Castiel was sick of it. He cornered Dean. “Why are you not helping more? Don’t you want to save yourself?”

“I want to, Cas. I do. I’m scared. It’s gonna suck, and it’s not gonna get any better.” Dean pushed past Cas, heading for the whiskey. “Look. I can suck it up and do what I said I’d do and let the hellhounds take me when the time comes, or Sam dies and I probably end up in Hell anyway. End result’s the same for me, can’t imagine whatever few years I’d have would make much difference, long run. My time for Sam’s life? Not a question. I’d make that trade every time.”

“I don’t understand. You and Sam… you’re both very eager to sacrifice everything for each other. Why?”

“Sam’s all I got. If someone’s gotta go, better me than him. I can’t live with him dead. He’ll be okay. He’s more resilient than he thinks he is, and he’ll find a way to get over it and on with his life. Especially if he’s got you to help him.” Dean put the glass of whiskey he’d poured on the table and put his hands on Cas’s shoulders. “You’ll do that, right? Take care of my pain in the ass little brother when I can’t do it anymore?”

As much as Cas wanted to promise it, he couldn’t. So he promised what he could. “As long as I can. As long as he’ll let me. If I turn out to be a mass babykiller, I wouldn’t blame him for throwing me out of his life.”

Dean snorted. “Guess that’s really all I can ask. Don’t think you’re a babykiller, though. Just can’t imagine it.”

 

Cas was torn after that. If saving Dean meant losing Sam, he wasn’t sure he was willing to make that trade. But he also couldn’t bring himself to tell Sam he wouldn’t help anymore, either. Bobby was sympathetic, also torn between the two “idjits”, but not helpful in helping Castiel figure out what he should do.

The brothers disappeared on May 1st. Time was running short. Cas panicked, but Bobby just rolled his eyes. “Come on. Dean don’t want witnesses and Sam wouldn’t let Dean out of his sight, so the two of ‘em took off. I got GPS on ‘em. You coming?”

Cas was already heading for Bobby’s truck. “Of course.”

They caught up to Sam and Dean talking to… something. Dark, thorny, evil. What were they doing? Bobby didn’t look surprised, just exasperated. Castiel got out of the truck. “Sam. Dean.”

Dean turned around. “The hell are you doing here, Cas? Bobby?”

“Do I look like a ditchable prom date to you?” Bobby grabbed Dean’s shoulders and shook him. “Family don’t end in blood, boy. This is our fight, too, and we’re in it as long as we can hold out.”

“No, you won’t.” Dean jerked away from Bobby. “You’ll get out of here so no one but me gets hurt. Take Sam and go!”

Sam stepped away from Bobby and Cas. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m with Dean until the end.”

“So are we,” Castiel said. He turned his attention back to the dark thing. “Who’s this? Is she here to drag Dean to Hell?”

“No, this is Ruby. She’s…” Dean glared at Sam, and Sam trailed off. “She tried to help,” he finished badly.

“She’s evil. Like the blood.” Castiel’s right hand flexed, and he glanced down at it. Why he’d expected something to happen that didn’t escaped him.

Sam shook his head. “Not exactly. Yes. She’s a demon. But she’s on our side.”

Ruby sighed. “Don’t bother, Sam. You’re never going to convince an a-” Whatever she was going to say was cut off by a scream and a swirl of black smoke. Once the smoke was gone, the dark entity was different. More powerful. “Hello, Dean. I know, I’m a little early, but you seem to be ready to go.”

Dean took a deep breath. “Cas, Bobby, take Sam and get the hell out of here. It’s too late. No eleventh hour save. You don’t need to stay and watch.”

“No.” Once again, Castiel’s right hand twitched, and he could feel a weight on his back that he couldn’t quite explain. “I’m fighting. This isn’t right. There is something very wrong happening here, and I cannot stand by and let it.”

Dean sighed. “Cas, I made the deal. This is what I signed up for. Get Sam out of here. You promised to look after him for me, give me this one thing. Let me go to Hell knowing you’ll keep your word.”

“I’ll keep my word, Dean.” Cas moved to stand between Dean and the new demon. “Starting with fighting to save you, because that’s what’s best for Sam as well.”

“It’s too late! I can hear the hellhounds. They’re coming. You can’t stop them, so get yourself and Sam to safety!”

The demon smirked. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, Castiel, but even at your full power you don’t have the juice to take me down yourself.” She whistled, and Dean tensed up. “Sic ‘em, boys!”

Castiel turned. Two hellhounds leapt at Dean from behind. Castiel didn’t think. He leapt between his friend and the dogs, using himself as a shield. The demon was right – as he was, he didn’t have the power to stop the hounds, but he could try. He could give Dean and Sam the chance to fight, or to run. The dogs took him to the ground, and blood pooled as they ripped him to pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*  
> *leaves cookies*  
> *parks Juliet outside her house for protection while writing the rest*


	6. Castiel's Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is a dick. God punishes him to teach him a lesson.

It wasn’t every angel that had a soulmate. When Castiel was created, he was considered unusual because he did. Within his grace, there was a pulsing light, a tiny sun that even by the standards of Heaven was remarkable. Bright. Pure. And above all else, it was strong. Castiel often drew on that strength, that conviction.

Castiel often wondered about his soulmate. He didn’t know every angel, at least not personally, and from the beauty and strength of the star within him, he was pretty sure his soulmate was an angel. He couldn’t imagine that anything else he’d ever seen could create something like this. But if it were another angel, why hadn’t that other angel found him? There weren’t that many angels, especially not with soulmates.

Then one day, the light inside him changed. It dimmed a little. When Castiel examined it, he discovered that at the very heart of the tiny sun, there was a kernel of darkness. He kept a close eye on it, fearing the darkness would spread and overwhelm the light. He needn’t have worried. If anything, the light just became brighter, stronger, as a reaction to the darkness at its core.

His friends teased him about his soulmate’s dark side, but Castiel was secretly grateful for it. The contrast between the darkness within and the brilliant light on the outside just made it that much more beautiful to him. His doubts about the angel theory strengthened. Humans were God’s favorite. Maybe, just maybe, his soulmate was a human. He’d never paid them much attention, beyond fulfilling the missions he was sent on, but now he started looking.

The day he met his soulmate, everything changed for him. Balthazar was the one who brought the soul – a human – to meet him. The rest of the garrison stared in shock. Uriel didn’t even bother to hide his laughter. The rest of the garrison joined in one by one as they recovered. Castiel didn’t laugh. Not at first. He could feel the pull, the draw. He now knew what that dark spot meant. His soulmate was an abomination. Demon blood. Not some great hero or saint, a hunter. A killer.

There were two choices. He could tell his garrison to stand down, that this was his soulmate and he stood by him. After all, he’d spent millennia proud of his soulmate, and though he was surprised at how it had turned out, he should really give Sam a chance to show him why Castiel’s inner star had fascinated him. Or, alternate choice… Castiel glared at the messenger. “Balthazar, this isn’t funny. You shouldn’t pull pranks in a matter of soulmates.”

“I’m not. Castiel, this is Sam. He’s your soulmate.” Balthazar gave the soul a gentle push towards Castiel. “What you’ll do with him isn’t my business. All I was told to do was bring him to you.”

Castiel looked at Sam. “You’re not my soulmate. You can’t be. You’re… you’re the boy with the demon blood. An abomination. How is your soul even here?”

“I died. I think. I remember being stabbed, and my brother… and then I was here and Balthazar said I needed to come with him.” Sam held out a hesitant hand to Castiel. “Balthazar says I’m your soulmate? It’s nice to meet you.”

Castiel completely ignored the hand. “Something’s wrong with this system. We are not soulmates. This can’t be happening.” He glared at Balthazar again. “Any time you want to put an end to the joke and take this boy to wherever it is he actually belongs, be my guest.”

Balthazar shook his head. “He belongs right here, with you. I’m sorry, Cassie. I don’t make the rules. I just follow orders.”

“Look, I don’t… I really don’t understand what’s happening here.” Sam finally took the hint, though, and let his hand drop. “But it seems like this is happening, so maybe we should try to just make the best of it?”

“This is not happening. This can’t be happening. I wish I could cut this star out of myself, throw it into Hell to burn with everything else that’s tainted with demon influence.” He couldn’t, of course. He couldn’t even throw Sam into Hell, as much as it would solve the problem.

But he had an idea, now. He couldn’t throw Sam into Hell. But he could send Sam back to Earth. Give him a second chance at life. The boy was a hunter and an abomination. Chances were good he’d cross some lines, let the demon blood free, and earn his way into Hell all on his own. He snapped his fingers, and Sam was gone from his sight.

Not long afterwards, Castiel found himself gone from Heaven, as well. He was now in a house on Earth, standing in front of a small man with short brown hair and a pissed-off face. “Hello, Castiel.”

“Hello.” Castiel looked around him. The house was nice enough, though cluttered. Books and loose papers and liquor bottles everywhere he looked. He looked back to the man and realized something. “You can see me?”

“Of course I can see you.” The guy waved a hand. “Castiel, do you know how soulmates are chosen?”

“Of course.” This was theology 101. Castiel was an angel. He was rather insulted at the question. “When God creates a soul, or grace, sometimes it seems incomplete. So he finds a match that will help the soul become what it was meant to be.”

“Yes. Exactly.” The guy took a step forward, and took on an ominous glow. “So how do you think God feels to have his decisions questioned – mocked – by one of his angels? Humans and their free will are one thing, but angels… you’re supposed to be the ones he can count on. The ones he can trust to do as he wills.”

Castiel’s eyes went wide, and he looked at the ground. “Father, I’m sorry. You are, of course, right. But an abomination? Did you know that would happen when you made him my soulmate?”

“Of course I did. Castiel, I’ve always liked you. I thought you were better than this, that you would be one who would help lift him up instead of casting him down. I was wrong, and now Sam is going to suffer the consequences. But I’m going to give you an opportunity to correct your mistake, to repent and truly learn what it means to be judged for something that isn’t you.”

Castiel was about to ask what that meant, but already, God was reaching toward him. When God’s fingers landed on Castiel’s forehead, he blacked out.

When he awoke, he was lying in the middle of the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much of Castiel's dialogue in this chapter was inspired by Bitter Soulmate Prompts from rpmememaker: http://rpmememaker.tumblr.com/post/146293647062/bitter-soulmate-prompts-because-the-world-needs


	7. Savior

Sam loved Bobby. He did. Bobby was the uncle he’d always wished for, the guy he could count on to love and support him like a father. But if Bobby didn’t get out of his way and let him go to Castiel and do whatever he could to get the hellhounds off, his uncle was going to get a punch in the nose.

Dean was already there, shouting at the hellhounds, telling them that he’s the one they wanted, trying to force them off of Cas and onto him. It wasn’t working.

Then Castiel started glowing. His body rose into the air, and the snarling and growling from the hellhounds changed to whining and howling. There was a sharp cry of pain, and then silence.

“Lilith.” Castiel dimmed, and Sam could see him. He still looked like the Castiel he knew, but there was a powerful aura to him, a sense of strength and pride in how he held himself and his confidence as he faced down Ruby. Lilith.

Lilith looked a little surprised, but recovered quickly. “Castiel. What are you doing? You're interfering with Hell's legitimate business.”

“No, I'm preventing you from claiming a soul you have no legitimate business with. Dean Winchester’s deal is void. You will stand down, or face the wrath of Heaven.” Cas’s light flared, and Lilith took a step back.

Dean raised a hand like he was going to grab Cas’s shoulder, but changed his mind and let it drop back to his side. “Uh… Cas? I made the deal. And if it’s me or Sammy…”

“It is not.” Castiel looked at Lilith. “Leave us.”

For a moment, Sam thought Lilith might actually go without a fight. But she stepped up to Castiel. “Dean made a deal. His time’s up. His soul is mine.”

“The deal was that you would bring Sam back, and one year later, Dean’s soul would be taken to Hell. Correct?”

“And there’s Sam right there, alive and well, has been for one year. Dean’s soul is mine. This is how it works, Castiel. Sorry if you’re in love with him, but he knew what he was doing.” Lilith whistled, and the hellhound growling came back.

Castiel’s eyes flicked to the hellhound and the snarling stopped. “One flaw in your plan, Lilith. One you’re fully aware of, but have chosen not to share with Dean. You – Hell – had nothing to do with Sam Winchester’s return to life. You failed to uphold your end of the bargain, so Dean is not obligated to uphold his.”

Sam looked over at Dean, who looked as surprised as Sam was. “If Hell didn’t do it, how is he alive?” Lilith challenged.

“I restored him to life. If Dean’s soul belongs to anyone, it’s me.” Castiel flexed his hand, and a blade dropped into it. “Leave, or you are interfering with the lawful business of Heaven. The archangels will not look kindly on that.”

Black smoke erupted from Lilith’s mouth, and the vessel dropped to the ground. Sam went to check on her – she was dead. He turned to look at Castiel, who now looked very much like the creature they’d met in the hut. Still strong, still obviously powerful – but unwilling or unable to meet either Winchester’s eyes, and shame written all over his body. “Cas? I take it you remember?”

That just made Cas's shoulders hunch even more. “I remember. Sam, I’m sorry.”

“What did you do?”

“When you died, you were brought to Heaven. To me. My garrison… they laughed, and instead of defending you as I should have, I joined in. I sent you back to Earth, returned you to life, not because I thought you deserved a second chance or to keep Dean from having to make his deal, but simply to get rid of you. It was wrong of me. Of all people, you should be able to count on me for support. And I chose to cut you down instead.”

Sam wanted to laugh. It just sounded so ridiculous. “So you were rude to me. Is that seriously what got you…" Wait a minute. If he was brought to Castiel in Heaven... "Are you an angel?”

“Yes.”

Sam shot a triumphant smirk at Dean. Dean just rolled his eyes, causing Sam to laugh. “Being rude to me is what got you kicked down here looking like a monster?”

“It’s a little more complicated than that, but yes, that is the essence of it.”

Maybe later, he could get more of the story out of Cas. But for now, he figured he knew enough. “Seems like a bit of an overreaction. But Dean’s safe, because you brought me back instead of Lilith?”

“Yes. I wish I had remembered that part much earlier, spared you both this last year,” Castiel said.

“Awesome. At least you remembered in time to save my ass.” Dean pulled his jacket a little tighter around him. “So what happens now?”

Castiel looked up at the sky. “I return to Heaven. I assume someone let them know what happened to me, so they wouldn’t look for me and take me back before my Father deemed me worthy to return.”

“Do you have to go back right away? Can you come visit?”

“Now that I know who you are, I can spend as much time here as you want me to. If you or Dean needs help, call on me.”

“So you can stay, celebrate Dean being alive with us? Or do you have to check in first?”

“Sam, you…” Castiel came towards Sam and held up two fingers. “Once you’ve processed this, pray to me if you ever want to see me again.” He touched his fingers to Sam’s forehead, and then was gone.

Dean came over to grab Sam’s shoulder and hold him up. “You okay, Sammy?”

“Yeah. I think so. Come on, let’s get out of here.” Sam headed for the Impala.

Bobby coughed. “What about Cas?”

Sam turned back. “What about him? He went to check in with Heaven. He’s fine.”

Dean gave him an odd look. “You gonna pray? Tell him to come back? Since it seems like he specifically meant you.”

"He did." Sam looked over at where, only minutes ago, Castiel had been ripped to pieces in front of him. “I can pray in the car as easily as here where I’m not staring at his blood staining the ground. Can we go? Please?”


	8. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas returns to Heaven. Sam and Dean and Bobby head home.

Once they’d put some distance between them and the attack site, Dean looked over to Sam. “You prayed yet?”

“Do you see Cas?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Sammy, what’s going on here?”

“He’s got to check in with Heaven. Remember? The place he got thrown out of and can get back to now? And even when he was… whatever it is we’re gonna go with he was while he was here, he didn’t much like riding in cars.” Sam turned to stare out the window. He didn’t know how long he could keep up the excuses.

 

Cas approached his garrison with trepidation. He’d been away for a year, and the last time he’d seen them, he’d let them lead him into being cruel to his soulmate. That would never happen again. He’d been right all along: his soulmate was a strong, brave warrior who anyone should be proud to love. The garrison stared at him.

Uriel came toward him. “Brother. Welcome back. You learned to love the abomin-”

Castiel cut off the insult with a punch. He looked around his garrison. “Sam is my soulmate, and you will show him respect.”

“Like you did?” Uriel taunted.

“Like I failed to do and was punished for. I have a second chance, and I will do it right this time. Who led in my absence?” Rachel raised her hand. “Be prepared to take over on short notice. If Sam calls for me, I’m going.”

“If? What, Sam doesn’t think much of you?” Uriel said.

“Of course not. Why would he?” Castiel fully expected the next time he would see Sam is when Sam came to him in Heaven again. In the meantime, he’d keep an ear open, but he wasn’t hopeful.

 

They’d been driving for two hours. Sam hadn’t complained once about the loud music, so it was a surprise when Dean turned it down. A little, anyway. “Okay, spill.”

Sam pulled his head away from the window. “About what?”

Dean gave Sam an exasperated glare. “What did Cas do to you right before he left? He did something. This morning, you’d have been falling all over yourself to reassure him that he’s family and we want him around.”

“It’s not what he did to me then. It’s what he did to me in Heaven. He gave me his memories of it.” Sam dropped his eyes, staring at his hands. “He said not to pray until I’d really processed it, and I’m… I guess I’m still trying to sort through it all.”

“But you’re gonna pray, right?” When Sam didn’t answer right away, Dean’s eyes widened. “What did he do, Sam?”

“Like he said. He was incredibly rude to me, and then he kicked me out. Sent me back to life.”

“No, see, that wouldn’t have you acting like this. He said there was more to it.”

“Dean, if I tell you, you have to swear that you won’t be an ass about it. To me or to Cas.”

“Now that’s the Sammy I raised. Swear on Mom’s grave, I won’t be an ass about it.”

Sam looked speculatively at Dean. He nodded. “When he kicked me out, he was hoping my blood would take over, that I’d become someone that would end up in Hell. Because if I’m in Hell, he doesn’t have to figure out what to do about having a demon-blooded abomination as his soulmate.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s kinda important. You and Cas are soulmates?”

“Yeah. I know, right? But you saw him after he got his memories back. He has changed. So I don’t…” Sam shook his head. “The crazy thing is, I can’t really stand the thought of not reaching out, forgiving him. And there’s part of me that that just makes madder. I love him, Dean. But I’m gonna let him wonder for a while.”

“How long’s a while?”

Sam huffed. “I’m not going to deprive you and Bobby of your friend just because he was mean to me one time a year ago. Don’t worry.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.”

 

Cas stood in the middle of the Heaven reserved for Dean Winchester. It would be a good place for Sam, too. And he was pretty sure Dean wouldn’t mind having his brother around. At least, not most of the time. Right now, it didn’t look like much, but once Dean got here, it would be comfortable for them both.

His thoughts were interrupted. “Cas? It’s Sam. If you’re done in Heaven, we’re almost back at Bobby’s. Hope to see you there.”

Cas went. Of course he went. He arrived just in time to see the Impala pulling in to its usual spot. Dean got out first, which surprised Cas. Until Dean came up to him. “Sam believes you’ve changed. You prove him wrong, I start researching how to kill an angel. Got it?”

“I have changed. I can’t take back my actions, but I can do better in the future. If Sam is willing to forgive me, I will never stop trying to earn it.”

“Good.” Dean headed into the house.

Sam got out of the car. “Sorry about him. So, what happens now? You gonna hang with us, or be in Heaven most of the time?”

“That’s up to you.” Castiel looked Sam in the eyes. “I want to stay here. I love you, and I think you and Dean could definitely use an angel in your corner. But if you want me to stay away, or only come when you need help, then I’ll do that.”

“No. If you’re going to be the guy you’ve been this last year, then I want you here. I love that guy. Not loving the angel, not yet, but I’ll give you a chance for the sake of this last year.” Sam reached out and took Castiel’s hand. An odd look crossed his face. “Are you stuck like this?”

“No. I could alter it. I probably will, to allow me to pass better. I just didn’t see the point until I knew I had reason.” Castiel concentrated, and his hands changed, along with the rest of him. He was still scarred, but he didn’t look that much worse than your average hunter. “Acceptable?”

“Yeah. Looks good. Not nearly as beautiful as you are up in Heaven, but…”

“I’m not burning your eyes out. For a human to see an angel in their true form is often fatal and at the very least your eyes would melt. It’s different in Heaven, you don’t have a body to damage.”

Sam laughed softly. “I figured it was something like that. But there are a lot more important things than that.”


	9. Earned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life hasn't changed. They're still hunters. They get hurt. But now they've got an angel in their corner.

Sam knelt beside Dean. He’d cracked his head when the ghost threw him into a tree, and his eyes were glassed over and he wasn’t making sense as he tried to answer Sam’s questions. There was no way Sam was letting him drive. “Cas? Sorry to interrupt if you’re busy, but we could really use you right now…”

A soft hand on his shoulder made him relax. “I’m here, Sam.” Cas crouched beside him, examining Dean. He reached out and touched two fingers to his forehead, and Dean’s eyes closed. “I’ve healed the concussion, but he’ll need to sleep and recover on his own for the rest of it.”

“Thanks. Can you help me get him to the Impala?” Sam got to his feet, and he and Cas got Dean up to carry.

Once Dean was positioned as comfortably as possible in the back seat of the car, Sam leaned against the car. Castiel stood beside him, reaching out to hold his hand. “Are you all right, Sam?”

“Yeah, got my share of scrapes and bruises but nothing bad, nothing worth calling you for. Sorry if I interrupted something important.” Sam gave Cas a shy smile. “Thanks for coming.”

“I was helping Bobby and Rufus sort through a storeroom of magical artifacts. Rufus might be a little irritated, but Bobby would just yell at me for wasting time if he found out I didn’t come to help you and Dean right away. And I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Rufus not at least a little irritated.”

Sam laughed. “Good. I keep worrying that I’m gonna call for help, and you’re gonna be in the middle of… I don’t even know. A meeting with your superiors in Heaven or something. Fighting for your life.”

“Sam, even if you do, I would leave to come to you as soon as I could. Nothing is more important to me than you and Dean and Bobby.”

“I know. I just don’t want to get you in trouble upstairs. They can’t be happy with you having been gone for a year and now being kind of flaky because of me.”

“They know that I’m doing as our Father intended. Zachariah usually finds petty ways to express his displeasure, but the others understand and keep any annoyance to themselves.” Cas glanced into the car. “Do you want me to ride back with you? You should probably get Dean to a bed.”

“I don’t know. I swear, this car loves Dean as much as he loves it. He might heal better in here with the car taking care of him.” Sam straightened up. “Hey. Do you still love me?”

“Yes. That’s never going to change, Sam. Why do you ask?”

“Because these past couple of months I’ve gotten to see the real Castiel, the angel who hasn’t just been caught off-guard with something that must have come as a huge shock. And you know, he’s not much different from the beast I fell in love with.” He reached up with his free hand to cup Cas’s cheek. “I love you, Cas.”

Cas closed his eyes and turned into Sam’s hand. “Thank you.”

“Come on, let’s get Dean back to his bed so we don’t have to worry about him waking up and interrupting things. But first, can I kiss you?”

Cas stretched up to press his lips to Sam’s. When he pulled away, far sooner than Sam would have liked, Sam blinked a couple times. They were in the motel parking lot, right by the room. He looked back to Cas. “Did you…?”

Cas ducked his head. “I would have waited forever, if you never got to the point of forgiving me and loving me. Now that you’re there, though… patience never was something I was good at.”

Sam laughed and checked on Dean. Still asleep. “Help me get him inside and then the waiting’s over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my lovely readers, especially those who leave kudos and comments! I love y'all. <3
> 
> This now has a [mini-sequel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12887763/chapters/30767340)!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments always welcomed and treasured!


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